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The Scarborough has arrived in Thailand!
Rating: (4.6 stars)

Bangkok, Thailand
Mar 26, 2004 16:27

Pros: cheap food, interesting place, oil massage
Cons: none

After waiting for what seemed absolutely ages, the time had finally arrived for me to pack up my life into a small back pack and ruc sac and get my arse to Heathrow for my 9.20pm flight. My parents took me there and we arrived stupidly early, and also at the wrong terminal, and so after sorting that out went for a coffee. Only point of note here was that a South African guy approached us and said 'would we mind his wife breast feeding' at which point my dad and I went into auto-pilot, sitting up a lot straighter and very grateful for the warning and strong coffee that we just had that would keep us alert and able to enjoy this magnificent display for norks out. However, really the guy just wanted our booth so his wife could has some privacy. Like true English people we gave up our prime seats, apologising as we did so, and went to the collapsible crap where they had just been sitting!

Got a result checking bags in - didn't even queue and so the final farewell to the parents came a little sooner than expected but was inevitable. A few tears later and I was in the duty free area, where my mission was to get as much as possible. Didn't really have time to think about how upset I was to be leaving all my family and friends as I was so busy bargain hunting. Spent a huge wedge (digital camera, clinique happy aka lady killer, loads of stuff from boots) before going to my gate. As I walked to gate number 8 there was a huge smile was on my face. I was in an awesome mood and my adventure was just starting!

To piss me off in this state of mind, you'd really have to go some, and, to their credit, BA beat me...... I'd say half the plane was thai people, so I thought if i sat next to one of them, I could stretch out as they only cover half a seat. However, my jaw hit the floor as I saw who would be sat to my right..... None other than Mr 'I have no friends, and even less chance of pulling a bird, smelly, fat (I'm talking 20 stone) glasses wearing balding man' He could see my dissapointment and I could see that he was used to my reaction. I sorted my stuff out, grabbed my copy of FHM, CD player and Dave Gormans book before squeezing in next to him. After a brief polite conversation about what we intended to watch on the flight I had a sudden urge to shout 'look mate, I know why your on this flight...it's to BUY a wife. Frankly, you disgust me and should not be allowed to reproduce!' However, I just listened to my disc man..... Something worth buying, for the journey alone. Now, I had planned to move to the, at the moment, vacant seat to my left. A minute before take-off my plans were scuppered by, i'll refer to her a 'ginger'. Ginger, probably 30 years old, stereotypical ginger person - luminous hair, double the amount of prescribed freckles, faint aroma of wee and requires sun block on a 12 month a year basis! After, another polite conversation with ginger she told me that she was going on a 2 week detox programme as a recovering alchie. She had been on a constant garlic diet for the last 4 days and was a real 'save the whales I can really make a difference' type bird. Que stereo and large amounts of volume! However, I could smell them talking to each other!!! And the fact that his flab hung onto my arm rest covering the control to my tv made the 11 hour flight seem even longer. Anyway, I've given them too much coverage.

Upon arrival in Bangkok sorted my flight to Nepal for 60 quid cheaper and secured a cab to the Ko San Road for 350 baht... could be arsed to haggle. Booked into a comfortable hotel for the equivalent of 8 notes a night - air con, safety deposit book, e mail facility and bee-day! Guess it's quite up-market! Oh, man is it hot out here! 37 degrees! Roasting!!!! Went for a stroll down the Ko San Rd and it hasn't changed much in the 4 years that have passed since I was last here. Cheap food - spent a fiver on a meal and 3 beers. Dogs, cats and children roaming the streets, eating off the floor and pissing and shitting as and when required. I'm not a fan of Bangkok for those reasons alone! It seems ironic therefore that this is the place i'll visit the most (4 times in total at last count), albeit for as little amount of time as possible. After eating and at about 10pm I went for a thai oil massage at the most reputable looking establishment I could find. I was led through to the back where I was told, in pigeon English by my 40 something thai woman, to remove my clothing. "all of it?" I replied. She used the international language of mime , which I interpreted to mean, 'yes you knob, all of it' I was just about to drop my 'styled trucks' when she indicated to keep them on... I think we were both relieved! Good massage though and left feeling like a new man. Ok, a new man with severe jet lag and sleep deprivation due to fat bloke and ginger!

Slept from 3am til 4 pm so feeling fresher but still not 100% with it. Not gonna get too comfortable over here as have the mammoth journey to Nepal where I have to get to a place called Jonsom between the 1st and 3rd April to be Rob as mentioned in the previous entry. Now that I have my digital camera I'll try and submit some photos, but not of Bangkok.

Next installment will be from Nepal.. I promise!!!!!